Oct 24, 2011
“The color of the object illuminated partakes of the color of that which illuminates it.”
-Leonardo da Vinci
Leonardo most likely was not speaking of XBox Live Avatar colors, but he hit the nail on the head none the less. The past few months have seen an explosion of PET activity surrounding the modification of Avatar colors, and like all good little anarchists, Timmies around the world have expressed themselves in the most chaotic and frenzied colors imaginable. This little Op-ed piece is an artistic journey into the world of Avatar Art, so sit back, sip on an espresso and join me in what can only be described as abstract expressionism! I just hope no little modder cuts of his ear in anguished protest when he is banned…
RED – The most emotionally intense color, red stimulates a faster heartbeat and breathing. It is also the color of love. Red clothing gets noticed and makes the wearer appear heavier. Since it is an extreme color, red clothing might not help people in negotiations or confrontations. Red cars are popular targets for thieves. In decorating, red is usually used as an accent. Decorators say that red furniture should be perfect since it will attract attention. Laz-E-Boy attention whore…perfect Timmy!
Purple – The color of royalty, purple connotes luxury, wealth, and sophistication. It is also feminine and romantic. However, because it is rare in nature, purple can appear artificial. Way to color yourself feminine and artificial Timmy!
Blue – The color of the sky and the ocean, blue is one of the most popular colors. It causes the opposite reaction as red. Peaceful, tranquil blue causes the body to produce calming chemicals, so it is often used in bedrooms. Blue can also be cold and depressing. Fashion consultants recommend wearing blue to job interviews because it symbolizes loyalty. People are more productive in blue rooms. Studies show weightlifters are able to handle heavier weights in blue gyms. Roid rage quitting is just a side effect Timmy!
Green – Currently the most popular decorating color, green symbolizes nature. It is the easiest color on the eye and can improve vision. It is a calming, refreshing color. People waiting to appear on TV sit in “green rooms” to relax. Hospitals often use green because it relaxes patients. Brides in the Middle Ages wore green to symbolize fertility. Dark green is masculine, conservative, and implies wealth. So the Lime Green hue we see on Xbox is not masculine…why not just go with purple Timmy?
Black- The color of authority and power. It is popular in fashion because it makes people appear thinner. It is also stylish and timeless. Black also implies submission. Priests wear black to signify submission to God. Some fashion experts say a woman wearing black implies submission to men. Black outfits can also be overpowering, or make the wearer seem aloof or evil. An evil, authority wanting, selfconcious submissive…WTF Timmy, you got issues!
Yellow – Cheerful sunny yellow is an attention getter. While it is considered an optimistic color, people lose their tempers more often in yellow rooms, and babies will cry more. It is the most difficult color for the eye to take in, so it can be overpowering if overused. Yellow enhances concentration, hence its use for legal pads. It also speeds metabolism. Cry baby? That is about right Timmy.
So why would anyone hack their avatar, knowing full well it will get them banned? Well, it’s part of the ideology of the hacker: take it apart, fiddle with it, and make it do what you want. So all of the legitimate talk about progress and development goes right out the window. These Timmies are selfish and will get what they want even if it means they break the rules…which gets them banned…which makes them cry, which means in a round about way they get not what they want…but what they deserve. I love this system!
As always, THANK YOU to the XBLPET team, especially XBLPET GOLF (who I admit I have a crush on), your job is an insurmountable pile of Timmy turds, yet you always stand tall and defend the virtual world of Xbox Live.
