Can your spouse become a gamer?

Jun 24, 2010

It is Friday night, you settle into your chair, turn on the TV and adjust your headset…it is COD time baby!  But out of the corner of your eye you see your significant other glaring at you from the door way, and just like that the argument begins.  “Why do you have to play that, isn’t it for kids, grow up”, “I don’t get it, this is a waste of time and money” and my favorite “If you loved me you would turn that off and spend time with me”. Let’s face it gang, if your spouse or partner isn’t a gamer, you are pwned as sure as a noob on Christmas morning.  So what can you do? Well for starters you can communicate your reasons for gaming and maybe, just maybe, convince your anti-gaming better half to give it a try – crazy you say – maybe, maybe not.

So as you can see I made that opening gender neutral as not to offend the women reading this.  Why you ask, because believe it or not, women play video games.  Yup, they do and with more frequency then men.  One of the common statistics cited by the video game industry is that the average age of a gamer is around 25 and 35 years old. What you might not know, however, is that among game players in those age ranges, women far outnumber men. Crazy I know, but hear me out.

A CEA (Consumer Electronics Association) study found that 65 percent of women in the 25-35 age range play video games, while only 35 percent of men in that group said that they play video games (I think the guys may be playing down their addiction, but that is just me). So where are these ladies and how can you meet them?  Chances are you know them already, they are your wives, girlfriends and even your mothers and they love casual games.  Sure they may not play traditional console games on systems like the Xbox, but they do enjoy and play with alarming frequency games like Bejeweled or other puzzle games, social games like Farmville and card games like solitaire.  These casual games may seem like simple fun, but they are video games plain and simple, so now you just need to move them from the computer to the Xbox and you are on your way.  Easier said than done, but if you take it slow and show her how much it means to you, they will game…maybe.

So after doing the dishes and giving her a nice back rub, you say what has only been a fantasy for you “Honey, why don’t we play some games on the Xbox”. Luckily the Xbox has many spouse friendly games readily available for her to dive into.  For example, any of the karaoke and music games are a hit.  Think of it as a date night in your basement.  Make a few drinks, dim the lights and get your grove on.  Face it men, ladies love karaoke and because it isn’t threatening (nobody dies, gets eaten by zombies or turns to ash after a well placed plasma grenade) it isn’t going to intimidate her.  Read that again gents, when trying to get your lady to do something new, don’t just jump right in, pre-heat the oven so to speak.  Keep her first experiences with the Xbox stress free and fun so that she wants to keep playing.  This is a great way to bond over a shared experience, so use it as an example for how much fun video games can be and let her dictate what and for how long you play.  The more relaxed and supportive you are, the better your chances for converting her to the gamer side of things!

OK, now that you have gamed together, set her up with some solo games.  This will give her the chance to flex her new found gaming muscles and maybe let her inner gamer out.  It has always been my experience that this is the crucial step in the conversion process so choose the games wisely.  Since most women enjoy social games, download Hardwood Hearts or Spades, Bejeweled 2, Jewel Quest, Diner Dash or a classic like Ms. Pac-Man.  Again, simple yet fun and she won’t need to worry about leader boards and trash talking Timmies on Live.  It will be her and the game.  Leave her alone to explore and get used to the differences between a keyboard and controller.  Give her space to experiment with the system and see what all the fuss is about. You may also be surprised to find that your lady gives your macho FPS games a spin without you knowing.  Despite the myths of women being the weaker sex, they love to release their aggression by blowing stuff up just like we do, but like farting, may not wish to do it in front of you.  If you are lucky enough to have a partner that is open about their aggressive nature, try some co-op games like Halo, Call of Duty, Left 4 Dead or Gears of War.  Besides being fun, it helps couples release stress and tension and increases communication.  Will it solve all your problems, no, but if your wife/girlfriend can shoot a Nazi Zombie instead of yelling at you for leaving the toilet seat up…well that is what we call a win/win.

So if she isn’t hooked in two weeks, drop it and focus on the other features of the Xbox like Facebook, Last.fm and Netflix.  Show her that besides killing folks in a virtual world, the system by itself has meaning and a place in the family room.  This may not help you when you want to game on your anniversary, but I promise you she will be less likely to make you sleep on the sofa after upgrading from an Arcade to the new Xbox Slim.  Also, if gaming is a part of your life, you need to express that in very simple and easily explained ways.  Compromise and set certain criteria for your gaming, like only on certain days, after the kids go to bed or you have spent quality time with your partner.  If you have shown her why you game, let her game with and without you and gone over the benefits of the system then in most cases you will find that rather than the “why do you play this crap” you get “don’t stay up too late” and in the end isn’t that just as good as having a gamer in your life?

So save your relationship and game on together!